dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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