I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize