Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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