I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
