Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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