She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
