do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
