He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize