I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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