I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
