she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will be naked everywhere
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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