Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
