what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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