I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize