Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
