ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
