We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
