Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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