The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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