Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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