how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
