in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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