I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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