i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
