I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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