The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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