The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
