Just cropdusted the office
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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