he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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