I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
