Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
