I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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