I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
