Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
