I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
third nipple confirmed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
