Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
