We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
