I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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