I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
