I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
