mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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