Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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