If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
