Swine flu. Run for my life!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just invented taco cereal.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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