just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize