you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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