i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize