he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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