I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
