I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
