Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
