and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
