dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
