I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
