ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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