You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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