I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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