The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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