well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
