there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
