Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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